Friday, December 28, 2012

W10: “If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.”

Week ten: ten secrets
It's late—traveling & holidays. Whateves

But I have thought a lot about what I would say. I thought about posting 10 of my favorite Post Secret postcards (the idea that almost won); I thought about divulging 10 of my deep, dark secrets (for about .2 seconds); I thought about putting down 10 trivial unknown/lesser known fact about me (lame). 

But then a new idea came to me. These all secrets I know: They may be secrets I've been told, secrets I keep for others, secrets I keep from others, secrets I'm not supposed to know but do, or my own secrets. They're all written unattributed, remaining secret from those who are not supposed to know, but nonetheless are secrets I've told you; you just can't be quite sure who they are about.

They're lesbians.

You're trying not to hold it against them and you're not letting it affect you all, but you will never forget how much they hurt you.

If it wasn't for you, the person you love wouldn't have met their spouse.

Sometimes you wish you had chosen a different major.

You pitted your children against each other, parts of them resent each other and you for it and always will.

You clipped a pedestrian at the airport.

You write songs and stories.

Your fiancé is lying to you.

You were right.

You harm yourself.

“with a secret like that,
at some point the secret itself becomes irrelevant.
the fact that you kept it does not.”
>sara gruen, water for elephants 

Sunday, December 9, 2012

W9: "We love the things we love for what they are.”

Week nine: nine loves

“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.” 
― Sarah DessenThe Truth About Forever

1. Family & Friends. they are the people who make up my life. they are the people who stand by me. they are the people i stand by. they are the ones who shape my life and fill my memories. we're not perfect, but we're worth it.

2. Laughing. laughing with family and friends. laughing at movies, books, memes, etc. laughing because you're so happy. laughing because it's so ridiculous that it's comical.

3. Pets. man's best friend. loyalty and unconditional, absolute love.

4. Movies, Television, Music & Books. this is how i entertain myself. this is how i spend my down time. i like to relate. i appreciate the artistry. 

5. Sports. my best friends always came from my sport teams growing up. my siblings and i spent hours of our childhoods playing sports together. i love cheering on my teams and being rowdy.

6. Writing. i love to write my thoughts. i love to tell stories. i live to document my life and the lives of others. i love to create something out of nothing.

7. My job. it's not perfect. it's not easy. it's not without obstacles and annoyances. but it's where i learn. it's where i fit in. it's where i grow. it's where i have fun and friends.

8. Words. language fascinates me. the way we use it; they way it shapes us and the way we shape it. our ability to communicate sets us apart and allows us to be who we are.

9. Love. its reach crosses time and distance and is unstoppable. the ability to love and the magnitude to which we can love is amazing. it should put us in awe how much we can love and what it makes us do. i have a lot give and one day i will find the love my life.

“have you ever been in love? 

horrible isn't it? 
it makes you so vulnerable. 
it opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.”
>neil gaiman, the sandman, vol. 9: the kindly ones

Sunday, December 2, 2012

W8: “What you fear most of all is — fear. Very wise.”

Week eight: eight fears

"Quick! Google it, I need to see what my fear is!" 
(In regards to the second fear on this list when I learned how big their wingspans are).

Spiders: The way the move creeps me out. My spider fear is sometimes crippling. I can't kill them because right when I'm about to get them, just a few inches away, I spaz out and can't do it. They're going to jump on me and crawl on me and that is not ok.


Large bats: I'm with Batman on this—

Can you imagine that flying at you? I'd lose it. I mean, who wouldn't be scared of that? Plus, it's so Jeepers Creepers-like, and that movie is terrifying.


Car accidents: I've been in multiple car accidents. I'm tired of people rear-ending me, especially with Mack trucks on the highway. I have lingering back and shoulder pain from these and a liiiiitttllle bit of PTSD. Sometimes I spaz out in the cars when I feel like I'm about to die. Which I'm usually not about to die, but it sure feels like it. 


Capsizing in the boat: We go boating a lot, and when we tube we take it a little extreme. We have tube wars and my dad drives WAY to fast and it's a little terrifying. But we get back on the tube every time. But when I'm not in the tube and am in the boat, I feel like we are about so capsize on every other turn. I know we mostly likely won't. But there have been a couple times when I'm like, "This is it. This is the end of our boat."


Being abducted by one of those crazies from Criminal Minds: I love this show and have seen every episode at least twice. But sometimes, every now and then, when I'm home by myself or walking home late at night, all I can think of is "some crazy narcissist, sociopathic, homicidal 'unsub' is going to kidnap me and play out his weird, morbid, torturous fantasies with me and I'm going to die a terrible, painful and terrifying death if Derek, Hotch, JJ, Reid, Emily and Garcia can't save me."


Messing up at work and publishing something online completely wrong: I'm an editor; I'm supposed to catch and fix all the mistakes. I know I'm not perfect at my job, but I live in a tiny bit of fear of making a really, really bad mistake that makes The Universe, myself and the reporter look bad.


Not being able to figure out what I'm doing this summer about an internship: No, I haven't found one yet. I really need to buckle down and get this take care of, because if I don't it will mess up my entire graduation timeline/plan. I HAVE to do my internship this summer. And it freaks me out to think I could get one.


Graduating: Do I even need to explain this one? One year is all I have left at BYU. Annnnddd then, I'm in the real world. By myself. Everything in on me. Kill me now. 


“Bran thought about it.
 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?'
'That is the only time a man can be brave,'
 his father told him.”
>george r.r. martin, a game of thrones