Sunday, July 1, 2012

16 Candles...well really it's 21

I will be 21 is 30 minutes.

This is a milestone age. However, since I don't drink I don't really know what that milestone is. I suppose I'm more of a "real adult" than I am between the ages 18 to 20. I feel like I should feel different tomorrow, but I think that every year and I never really do.

When I look into a mirror, I don't see the face of a 21 year old. To myself I don't think I've changed that much in the last few years in the way I look. I don't think I look 21. I still feel like a teenager most days honestly. I certainly don't feel 21.

I see the face of a kid. Usually a tired kid. I don't look older to myself, yet I can already see the lines around my eyes and mouth from years of wear and tear, years of laughter and tears. You see it's very conflicting and it doesn't mesh how I feel about my age.

I've always felt older, or rather more mature, than my peers. My life experiences have aged me quickly, have given me great responsibility and trials. But I don't feel like I'm really adult enough to be where I'm at–21 and going into my senior year of college. I've gone through so many things in my life, lost so much, gained so much. Laughed so hard, cried so hard. Broken down to pieces, clung myself together. Fallen down, and gotten up.

I'll be 21 in in 24 minutes.

I actually have a birthday wish this year. A real one, for the first time in probably 10 years. Back then wishes were absurd and of fairy tales, but we were certain they would come true if we closed our eyes tightly, wished hard, and blew out all the candles in one lone exhale in the dimmed lights of the kitchen. It's something that wishing is the last thing to do, because I've tried everything else.

I'll be 21 in 15 minutes.

Only one person can grant me this wish. I'm trying not to get my hopes up because I know I'll only be let down.

And it is my day after all.

I'll be 21 in 10 minutes.

But I'll wish anyway, because of that kid that resides in all of us. Because of that kid who believes thoughts over frosting and small wax candles can come true. Because in the glow of 21 small flames that kid will shine in my eyes and have complete faith that if I extinguish all of them with eyes closed and cheeks puffed out it will come long as I never breathe a word of it to any living soul.

I'll be 21 in 8 minutes.

Birthdays are supposed to be magical, heres to praying and wishing my 21st is.

Let the facebook notifications commence.

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