Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Love, Grandma

POST SECRET plug of the week.

 This cracked me up. But for reals, don't mess with my Girl Scout Cookies. I myself am partial to the Thin Mints and the Samoas. My mom really likes Samoas. I'm pretty she tries to hide them from us. And I just realized--isn't it Girl Scout Cookie season? Those girls really should come by student housing, they would make bank. Yes, we are poor college students, but we can't say 'no' to freaking Girl Scout Cookies.

 You know, I used to think I didn't really need to tell people my problems and I usually didn't. I still struggle with it. But I was and am so willing to hear someone else's and help them through it. I don't know, I think we depend on people more then we would like to admit, and I think we need to be there for people more then we are.

 I was going to write a short comment on this, but I really can't. It simply speaks for itself.

So, I've also been thinking about many things lately and what I wanted to tale about was this: I'm not a "sharer," but I've found that it's easier to deal when you have said whatever "it" is to someone, anyone, sometimes even just out loud to yourself. And going from talking things out back to holding it in, it becomes more unbearable than it was before. Saying some things aloud makes "it" real,  makes it something you can work through, makes you face it. 

I watch Grey's Anatomy. A lot. That show is like a vacuum, it sucks you in. Anyway, my roommate and I have slowly been going through the seasons in order when we have the time. Each episode (minus a few exceptions) start and end with a monologue voiceover from the main character. I felt like this one applied.

At the end of the day, there are some things you just can’t help but talk about; some things, we just don’t want to hear; and some things we say because we can’t be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say––they’re what you do. Some things you say, because there’s no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then…some things simply speak for themselves.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

I Will

I will.
I will tell you the truth, unless the lie protects you from something much worse, and the truth can actually do no good.
I will do stupid things with you.
I will bend over backwards if you need something.
I will inconvenience myself.
I will believe in you, but I need you to believe in me.
I will trust you, but I need you to trust me too.
I will bring your favorite candy bar to you when you're having a bad day.
I will help you study or finish a project.
I will change my plans.
I will catch you when you fall, and I will carry you when you can't carry yourself, please pick me up when I fall.
I will hold you when you need it.
I will leave you alone when you need to be with yourself and your thoughts.
I will drop whatever I am doing, if at all possible, to run to your aid.
I will listen.
I will not blow you off.
I will pick you up with my car, and I will pick your spirits up.
I will give advice, or just shut up and let you talk.
I will comfort you.
I will let you be mad at me since you need to direct your anger somewhere and because the person you're really mad at isn't there.
I will get mad at you, but I will forgive you.
I will be wrong and you will be right; but sometimes I will be right and you will be wrong.
I will tell you what you want to hear, and more importantly I will tell you what you need to hear.
I will tell you're right, but I will also tell you when you are wrong.
I will be unreasonable and proud, but so will you.
I will let you cry on my shoulder, and I will need yours no matter how much I deny it.
I will sit in silence with you.
I will make you feel needed, and I will need you.
I will make mistakes; I will say stupid things. So will you. I will forgive you, I hope you forgive me.
I will tell you it's going to be okay; even when it may not, or when I can't see how it will be.
I will help you through it.
I will answer my phone at 3 a.m. and come over if you need me; and if you don't and you woke me up for no reason, I will hang up on you.
I will wait for you.
I will make you laugh.
I will never purposely hurt you.
I will always make you a priority.
I will never purposely make you feel unimportant.
I will not take "fine" at face value for the answer to the question of "How are you?"
I will never walk away.
I will always be here.
I will always care; even when I don't want to.
I will try.
I will love you.

No matter what. No matter how mad I get; no matter how long it's been; no matter how much you don't deserve it; no matter how much I don't deserve it; no matter where you are; no matter what we've said or done; no matter how much you say you don't need it. Simply, no matter what.

I do this because I love you, and I don't know how to be any other way. I do this because you are my family, and I do this because you are my friends–who I consider part of my family. I don't know how to not be this type of person. I don't know how to not care and I can't see any reason to not be this way. It's not that I am a pushover; I just like to be there. Maybe it makes me feel important, like I matter. But I can't not help when I can. It's the only way I know how to be. I don't know who I am without this; I would be lost. I do this because I can't not do this.

All I ask is that you be willing to do the same at some point.

And those who do, thank you. So much. I can't ever thank you enough.

Because I've become painfully aware of how much I do need people that I can lean on.

It often appears to be people that I don't care. I'm not one to show emotion; but I do care, and deeply so. More than you know.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

How Dare You?


With this song right here.

I heard it on CMT's Top 20 Countdown. (Yes, I watch that; I actually watch the same one throughout the entire week. I just can't get enough country music). It's one of the Bonus Videos this week. 

I've probably listened to it close to 50 times now. I bought it on iTunes yesterday. I'm listening to it right now. I love Miranda Lambert, and Blake Shelton. And I can definitely hear Blake's voice in the lyrics. I really liked this song a lot more after I learned what it was about. And Miranda just hits it out of the park. It's soft and smooth and not in your face. It's beautiful.

It was written by Miranda and Blake about Blake's teenage loss of his older brother in a car accident. And I just love Miranda and Blake together, I mean this is what she said about the song:

 "Blake said he couldn’t record [it] for himself or sing it onstage every night, but he would be honored for me to."

They. are. so. precious.

It's a very simple song lyrically, but I think that it allows the emotion of it to be so powerful. You can really connect to how he felt. The chorus is short and simple, but powerful.

"but you went away.
how dare you?
I miss you.
they say I'll be okay,
but I'm not going to ever get over you"

How dare you? I think that's probably the most powerful line in this song. When we lose someone or something, sometimes we feel angry towards the person we lost, and blame them–why did they leave us here all alone?

Then the next verse: 

"living alone here in this place
I think of you, and I’m not afraid

your favorite records make me feel better
cause you sing along 
with every song
I know you didn’t mean to give them to me"

It's more of the acceptance stage of grief.

One of the last lines, is where I can hear Blake in the words the most, it just sounds so like what he would say and how he would say it.

"It really sinks, you know, when I see it stone"

This is probably going to end up being one of my favorite Miranda Lambert songs to go along with Kerosene, New Strings, The House That Built Me, & Me and Your Cigarettes.
.....Yup, it is.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Stunned Silence

Back in January I was complaining about January. It's not really my favorite month. I always get really sick in January, Christmas fun just ended, you have to go back to school. I don't know, I just don't really like it, so I was complaining a bit to some people. And my awesome roommate Tara--if you doubt her awesomeness, check this out--Kill them then? Why would I do that?. Anyway, my awesome roommate Tara wisely pointed out what should have been the obvious.

"January is like the Monday of the year."

Stunned silence.

SO true.

I think that makes February and March Tuesday. April would be Wednesday. May=Thursday. June, July, and August would definitely be Friday. September and October are Saturday and November and December would be Sunday.

All I know is that I want it to be Friday. In, the now, both senses of the word, because it's been a long year so far.

I love writing for the paper and covering the tennis matches but it takes SO much time.
Editing class is so long and so many things that I can't remember and I look it up everyday in Chicago.
Investigative Reporting is terrible. I don't like it, a lot of that is probably because I meet on Tuesdays from 4-6:30.
Law and Ethics, I feel like the only take away I get from that class is: Don't be an idiot. Don't lie. Don't misquote. Don't libel anyone. Don't break any laws. --- Well, duh.
My calling always seem to make me the busiest when it's the most inconvenient.
My personal life I often find in shambles and breaking down lately.
But at the end of the day, what do I really want from life right now? I'm doing the college thing right now. And let's face it. 
Life's tough.

And right now, half of my face is sunburned from sitting in the same direction talking to friends outside for an hour yesterday.
I wish I could say this has never happened to me before ;)