Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Kill them then? Why would I do that?

So, I have this roommate, named Tara. We're basically bffs. Good thing we randomly moved in together last August, or else we probably never would have met each other. Anyway, there are many reason that I love Tara dearly: She shot me with a blow gun once. Tara's from Texas and thinks it's cold when it's 60 degrees out. She makes awesome pancakes, cupcakes, cinnamon rolls, etc.The snow nearly brings tears to her eyes, her hair is super curly (and therefore it's always a party when Tara is around). She says funny things, she watches any movie with me (besides Planet of the Apes movies--more on that later), she does fun/crazy things with me, she makes me laugh, and she laughs at most of my jokes, she goes shooting with us and is always up for a Walmart or Target run. She can be crazy and carefree, but also serious and we have good heart-to-hearts. Also, we have a complete inability to communicate and often find ourselves "arguing" the same point for a significant period of time before we realize we're actually in agreement. We can't text each other to save our lives because of the same inability to communicate; and yet, we practically can read each other's minds, usually in critical situations, so I guess it evens out. Now, let me explain the title to this. Tara sent me a text reading "k ill tell them then." Without the punctuation, capitalization, and it looking like there was no space between "k" and "I'll" that at a quick look I read it as "kill them then" so I was SUPER confused and it resulted in a classic Kelly/Tara can't communicate hilarious moment.

Now, the other reasons why I love Tara are because of some of her....quirks, we shall dub them.

Tara has a few phobias....sometimes near-crippiling phobias (I may be making that last part up, or rather exaggerating it slightly). Tara has a fear of clowns. Now, while I don't understand it, many people do have coulrophobia. I will concede that sometimes clowns can be really creepy, you know in like horror movies and around Halloween time. Let's move on. She also fears midgets in general, and more specifically Oompa Loompas. (oh, that's the other movie Tara won't watch--Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory). She is also scared of monkeys (hence why she won't watch Planet of the Apes) because "their hands and feet are the same!" She is also scared of fire, more specifically burning to death. I mean, I guess anyone would be scared of that. The next one if my favorite. The other day Tara needed to deposit her paycheck, but didn't want to go to the bank.

Yes, Tara is scared of banks. She sees this as completely rational. I on the other hand have tried to assure that the chances of her actually being at a bank at the same time it is robbed are extremely low. Now, I don't actually know what the odds are, but she believes they are very high.

Tara also has some odd things she hates. She hates having to buy toilet paper (I know, weird right?), apparently it stems from her hating the fact that we have to use restrooms multiple [like 2 (pardon my inside joke)] times a day. She also hates all those things she fears for the same reasons. My favorite thing however that Tara hates is styrofoam. Yes, you did hear (well read) me right. She hates styrofoam. The other day at Walmart she wouldn't let me buy the eggs I wanted because they were in a styrofoam carton.

I can't wait for the day Tara gets robbed in a bank by midget monkeys dressed as Oompa Loompas with Styrofoam guns as they burn the bank to the ground. Should be a good day.

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