Friday, November 19, 2010

You Know I'm Dead On

I would like to share with all of you some general advice. I know, who am I to dish out words of wisdom? I don't know, I just feel like I know what's up more often than I am running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. (Speaking of poultry, turkeys will drown themselves by looking up at the sky with their mouths...beaks...whatever open, hypnotized by falling rain. Hopefully you'll take these words of at least some wisdom and be smarter than your average turkey)

Wear sunscreen. Sunburns suck. I'm all about SPF 30. Don't go tanning so dang much-no one like an orange person who looks like leather when they're 30.

Be okay with some hypocrisy of others. Chances are, actually the fact is, you'll be a hypocrite at least once (a day) in your life before you kick the bucket.

Check the weather often-it changes don-cha-ya-know. Then you won't have to walk home in the pouring rain in shorts and flip flops, idiot.

Bikers-I don't want you in the street when I'm driving, I don't want you on the sidewalk when I'm walking. When there's no bike lane you're just unwanted, pay attention & get your hands out of your pockets. We're not in 5th grade anymore when being able to ride a bike with no hands meant you were King of the Street. I don't want to get hit and I don't want you denting my car.

Don't complain about being cold. Don't dress like an idiot, wear clothes appropriate to the season. Especially here at BYU. Please all you California (oh yes, I am stereotyping, but there are only a handful of Cali kids I actually enjoy being around) kids-shut it already. Buy a real coat, put on some gloves and hat and wrap that scarf around your mouth so we don't have to hear your whining and crying.

Everyone is prejudice, discriminatory, racist or intolerant of something and someone. Lets try not to cry about it so much. We can cry a little about it and get all up in arms about it a little, but lets try to come down from a level 10, to lets say, a level 6 and go from there. Don't say you're not either-we all know you're such a liar.

Don't debate with your friends unless you actually know what you're talking about and you're grown up enough to not take it personally and you're grown up enough to let others have their own opinions without getting all bent out of shape, insulted and offended. Besides, you're not going to change my opinion about anything and I'm most likely not going to change you're opinion about anything. It's a go nowhere conversation.

Uggs are ugly. It's practically their name. They are a crime against humanity when guys wear them. (Even if they we're invented for use by guy surfers to keep their feet warm. Thank you, Eric for that tidbit of trivia.)

Don't text someone you love them when it's the first time your telling them. Yeah, in person it could be awkward and bad, but still. Lets be real, did you really think that it was okay? This is why old people say our generation sucks.

Don't be an ass or a jerk or a bitch. One day, someone is just going to knock you out. And if it's not me, I'm for sure going to be the person whipping out their camera phone at lightening speed to document the great occasion and spreading it as far and wide as I can.

Pedestrians. Look both ways before you cross the street. We learned this once we learned to walk. And *news flash!* I can't see you stepping out between cars at night. I'm going to RUN you OVER. And you know what, I'm not going to feel that bad...unless I kill you, which is a possibility with how stupid you are.

It's really annoying when people text you, and then you reply and ask them a question and then____________they don't text you back for a million years. Yeah, don't do that.

Don't change and mess up plans. I will kill you. When things have been set don't call me at the last minute and completely destroy my schedule. Rude. I want to slap you upside the head; it's so maddening how inconvenient and stressed it makes me. And I know I am not alone in this

Try really hard to never ever lose your keys, or just forget them. Nothing will make me want to injure you more than a roommate pounding on the door and calling my cell phone at 3 in the morning when I'm dead asleep.

For the love of all that is good in this world-be. on. time.

Invest in a good watch, a good belt and a good baseball hat.....and an umbrella.

Peace out suckaas.
Try not to annoy people today.
That'd be great.


Jess said...

Kelly, you are wise beyond your years! I absolutly love this. I think I'm going to print it out and save it, so when I have kids I can use it to teach them how not to be annoying...

Kell said...

haha yes! Thanks