Friday, August 6, 2010

"I don't know what that means"

Does anyone know what insomnia is? Now, if I really have insomnia is unknown. I think that with my being a complete and utter night owl, I can stay up late easily, coupled with a million things bouncing around in my head all night and having a hard time getting to sleep lead to my "insomnia." .....Or is that what insomnia is. ...yeah.... Anyway. So, what are these thoughts of such great importance that require so much brain power that are bouncing around in my head that keep me up at night? I think some of it is no different than what you mull over, but some may never cross your mind. What do you think about at night? I'm pondering over mistakes made, chances missed, what to major in, who will I marry, when will I get married, decisions I've made, decisions I still need to make, (why both times I spelled 'decisions' I spelt it the same way incorrectly like I do EVERYtime)? Decisions my family members make, the choices (because I can't spell decisions anymore) my friends make and what I think of my family and friends choices. Should'ves, would'ves, could'ves. What do I really want to do in my life? What was that song I wanted to download, what actress was in that movie who was in something else? What I've accomplished, what I've failed, the experiences (another word I can never spell correctly) and opportunities I've had. What was that feeling of de ja vu I felt earlier that day? Who I've wrogned, who has wronged me? What am I going to do tomorrow? What I've gained, and what I've lost. What am I really feeling inside about what is happening around me externally. Late at night and continuing into the early morning you can often find me in my bed: writing, in my journal or typing on my computer or other things, and now blogging such as now (It's 2:34 AM) Or one would be wise to bet to find me reading a book or the comics from the newspaper. Or just laying in my bed listening to the radio or my iPod quietly in the background while my thoughts rebound inside my head. Or occasionally watching episodes online of my favorite shows. As of late I have started re-watching 'Bones' from the beginning, I've missed episodes and have never seen it all from the beginning and I want to be ready when season 6 premiers in September. It is my favorite show of all time.I LOVE every second of an episode even if I've seen it 10 times. It's been 4 days and I am halfway through season 3. I think I some would consider that 'having a problem.' I just really like series...good series, not crap like Big Brother or Jersey Shore, etc. I am known to fall asleep reading, watching on my computer, etc with lights on and waking up to find it still on and book, computers, etc on or under my face. Or if my mom happened to wake up, everything off and put neatly on the bedside table. I don't know, these are my late night ramblings. There is really no purpose but to continue to do things until I can't keep my eyes open. Then I'll get all settled in my bed. Then be wide awake. Sometimes it's a vicious cycle that I don't want to be in. I just want it all to stop so I can sleep. Sometimes it's a good time to think. Sometimes it's a good way to slow the next day arriving, and others, a painful slow tick of time when I'm needing the next day to began. I've watched the sun rise on more than one occasion. It's now 3:06 AM. I'm out.

Brennan aka Bones in the show Bones is a genius and very opiniated, but socially awkward at times and an not quite a genius when it comes to normalacy and pop culture. And I love how when someone uses sarcasm or references celbrities, movies, normal child hood nastalgia and she has no idea what's going on, she uses, unknowingly what's become her catch phrase, "I don't know what that means."

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